Tuesday, July 30, 2013

On Drives, Or What The Hell Am I Doing?

So, I, like many others here on The InterTubes, have a Twitter account and a tumblr, both primarily to follow celebrities whom I admire. Part of my motivation to do so is (as I have come to discover) a misplaced hope that I can glean some sort of wisdom from them on how to achieve something like what they have.
See, I have this totally unrealistic dream of getting into film. Movies, TV, I don't even care. But beyond that unrealistic dream, I have a mission that is damn near delusional: I want to represent my demographic on film.
I am a big girl. I am 5'7" and weigh over 200 pounds. A fair chunk of that is muscle that never really goes away as long as I'm not bed-rest-ill. But I jiggle when I wiggle.

I am also friggin' sexy. I've been told this by numerous sources, so I can say it with some degree of certainty. I'm curvy in the traditional, littler-in-the-middle sort of way. Plainly put, there are many ways wherein I fit the traditional standard of beauty.

But how do we see larger women? Mothers. The bitchy, fat friend. Comic relief, either as "the funny one" or the disgusting object of scorn. This relegation to supporting cast grates my cheese. Where are the women like me? I'm beautiful, intelligent, and strong. Where am I in film?

But I digress. Aside from being representative of a bit of a niche, it seems like there is a dearth of information on how to actually achieve success in film. It's all "Get an agent" and "Audition for everything."

Here's a tidbit: THAT'S NOT HELPFUL.

What agent?
Just any agent?
How do I decide which agent is going to be a good fit for me and is going to actually further my career?

And audition for everything?!
Are you feckin' kidding me?
That seems like a pretty awful waste of everyone's time. If I walk in for something when *I* know I'm wrong for the part, and *they* know I'm wrong for the part, is that really going to net any positive results? I mean, if it will, I'd be willing to give it the old college try, but it just seems like everyone would walk away from it irritated.

And anyway, how do you even do that? What happens if you get cast in two separate parts? How do you prioritize that kind of thing? How do you know which is the role that will connect you with a better job down the line and which is more of a dead end?

It just feels like there are a LOT of unwritten rules about this stuff, and I can tell you I am really friggin' tired of it. Can someone just tell me? Tell me what I'm supposed to do? Show me a road map? Even if it's just, like, in crayon and with stick figures...

I just want to know how I go about doing this. Vague platitudes and cliches are lame, thoughtless answers. So knock it off and give me something I can actually use.

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