On Being a Pro, Or I'm Going For It

So, for the n00bz that don't know me, I'm looking at making a career for myself as a performer. Namely, an actress.

Yes, I know how insane the odds are.

Yes, I realize how difficult it is to break into the industry.

Yes, I also realize I'm not exactly "Hollywood" in terms of my appearance.

I don't, however, believe for one instant that I'm not capable of making it. I'm curvy, I'm intelligent, and dammit, I do not suck as an actress.

Sure, I feel like I could use more experience and training as an actor. My degree is in classical vocal performance, which isn't wholly unrelated, but there wasn't really as much emphasis on stagecraft and acting as I might have liked.

But, when it comes down to it, I *know* I have the necessary skills to do well on film, whether it be movies or TV.

I do, however, from time to time, worry that I'm just deluding myself. Am I as competent as I think I am? Or have I just been a big fish in a tiny pond for too long? Am I actually just woefully mediocre with delusions of grandeur?

Granted, I imagine most people, especially those in the arts, find themselves confronted with these very same concerns at varying points in their lives. I know it's normal. I know it's probably just neurosis talking. But what if it's not? And how do I know if the reason I haven't gotten XYZ part is because I'm not right for it, because I "haven't paid my dues," or because I'm just not good enough?

The uncertainty is enough to drive a girl mad.

But you know what?

Fuck. That.

I am going to do this. Sure, it may take time for me to get where I want to be (which also concerns me, seeing as I'm started this little adventure in my 30s instead of in my 20s), but I will get there. I will have a career, and I will make a good name for myself.

I am going to go put myself out there. I am going to work on my craft and do whatever is within my power to make myself a better performer. I am going to work at making good connections.

I. Am. Doing. This.

Now you, beloved reader, have a choice. You can ignore me, or you can encourage me.

Stopping me, however, is not an option.