On Ignorance, Or Weltschmerz Is A Great Word

Today, I had a pretty great conversation with some friends about the difficulty of being an aware and analytical feminist in the presence of those that have yet to, as has been coined by those more clever than me and I totally stole it, "see the Matrix." Since I managed to rock some seriously verbose posts, it seemed only proper that I should then translate them into a blog post.

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Post #1:
For those of us that see the Matrix, it's quite easy to be judgmental of and angry with those that don't. Like, how can they not see what is so very obvious?! IT'S EVERYWHERE. However, since I find rage is only really gratifying when it is both a) righteous, and b) understood by those around me, I try to temper my dealings with those still stuck in the Matrix to something more manageable and that will help them understand. Although, to be fair, I also come from the place of privilege of taking up enough space (both physically and in terms of personality) that it is generally easier for me to have my voice heard and respected.

Overall, it's crappy. They only see what They've been groomed to see and are confused as to why We are angry about it. We don't understand how They can't see what's wrong and aren't angry.

Still so much work to do.

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A friend of mine then had this to say:

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The Matrix analogy is possibly the best one I have seen regarding "reading someone in" versus "chewing someone out". The average Joe isn't really aware of the problem, still. The so-called "Men's Rights" idiots are more like Cypher. They are aware of the problem, and they LIKE the Matrix, so they are happy to sabotage efforts to make things better.

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To which I dutifully replied that Cypher and his ilk are the reason we can't have nice things. Seriously, that freakin' guy...

Anyway, I then go on to contemplate the pros and cons of reading someone in.

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Post #2:
It takes a lot of time and energy to read someone in, and sometimes it's not an investment that will pay off.

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Another friend (whose original post, "Heteronormative assumptions are fucking weird," got this whole discussion started) then made this very valid point:

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Especially when we're all ALREADY on a RESEARCH MACHINE.


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And then, my next dissertative* reply:

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Post #3:
That can be both a blessing and a curse. Looking up the name of that actor you've seen in a billion things but can never remember their name or checking out the Wikipedia article on European Swallows is one thing. Sorting through the vast ocean of information there is out there on gender roles/stereotypes, sexuality, and feminism in general is a horse of a different color. What's a reliable source? Who are the people out there that are the reasonable, informative voices? Am I gonna end up seein' one o' them bra-burnin' man-hatin' extremists sites? It's a huge issue to tackle, and there really isn't much in the way of easy answers many of us have become accustomed to finding when we go to the internet for information.

To reiterate, because I don't want my meaning mistaken, I do not now nor would I ever absolve the uninformed of their responsibility to educate themselves. It isn't our responsibility to hold their wittle hands and gently explain everything in detail so as not to bruise their fragile wittle egos. If I have learned anything from my time spent among those training to be teachers, it is that not everyone is cut out to be a teacher. Beyond that, absolutely, if someone is genuinely interested in learning more on the topic, they should show a little initiative. But it is hard. It's hard making the effort to learn, and it's hard bearing the burden of knowledge once you do.

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And now we're all caught up! :)

So, this whole situation, as I've mentioned, is a great big heaping pile of suck.

We've got those that are innocently ignorant, having been told all their lives that That's The Way The World Works and were not the personality type to question it.

We've got those that are willfully ignorant, who know that things probably are pretty messed up, but are for any number of reasons (ranging from apathy to stubbornness to fear and anywhere along the way) unwilling to educate themselves.

We've got the Informed Idiots (the aforementioned Cyphers) who know the system is broken, but benefit from its brokenness or engage in some other form of douchebaggery that perpetuates it.

And then there are the rest of us, who fall into a variety of categories, but for now, we're mostly going to deal with two: those who want to teach and those who don't.

As I said, it's hard.

It's hard seeing the Matrix. The burden of knowledge is almost unbearable sometimes, especially when it seems so simple and so obvious once you get it.

It's easy to lose patience.

It's easy to vilify.

It's easy to judge people for their ignorance.

It is so much harder to be understanding.

It is so much harder to be empathetic, partly because it takes more energy and thought, but also because it frequently leads to a very vulnerable place.

It's also hard to be in that understanding, vulnerable place with people who get defensive when you challenge the status quo. There you are, all vulnerable and squishy, and there they are, all bristly and pokey... Not a good combo.

So what's the answer? How do we do this wacky thing in such a way as to inform people without making them defensive, and empathize without getting scarred?

Here's the even shittier part: there is no answer.

BIG FREAKIN' HELP I AM, RIGHT?!

Sometimes, you'll be in a bad place and someone will ask you a question. Sometimes you'll be in a great headspace for educating, but the other person will be doing their best ostrich impersonation.

We can all only do our best. That "best" will change from day to day. I say try not to alienate people, but don't let them run roughshod over you either

Tl;dr: Awareness is hard, but don't be a dick.

*Dissertative may not have been a word before, but it sure is now.

On Arguments, Or Try Talking With People Instead of At Them

Random observation:

Why do we keep trying to make everything fit binary systems? Black v. white. Male v. female. Blatantly Aggressive v. Doormat.

Maybe this has escaped notice, but we live in a world of shades of grey. There are very few absolutes, and simple solutions are rarely effective.

And I know exactly why people shy away from genuinely accepting that as reality: it's hard. It's really hard. It means we constantly have to think. About our choices. About our thoughts. About whether or not the knee-jerk reactions we have are coming from reasoned, rational places, from outdated instincts, or from concepts and standards that have been imposed upon us by the society in which we live.

All we can really do is tap into our empathy. Try to understand WHY people are doing what they're doing. You don't have to agree with it, and it's understandable to attempt to change someone's mind, but you also have to respect that, at the end of the day, you may not agree, and that doesn't mean you care about each other any less.

So people are different from you. BIG FECKIN' DEAL. Given how vast and unknowable the universe is as a whole, there's bound to be some pretty awesome variety. How's about instead of focusing on the differences, we focus on the similarities? You like cookies? HOLY SHIT SO DO I!! You dig olives? Not really my bag, but that means there's totally more for you. It. Is. All. Good.

When people say things that sound so freakin' ignorant that they make you want to punch them in their whole face, take a breath. Try to think about why they would say that. Odds are they aren't just trying to get a rise out of you, but rather are speaking either from ignorance or belief (which are not mutually inclusive, thankyouverymuch). Ask them why they think that. Help them to see the fallacy in what they believe rather than smacking them over the head with it. Guide them to the light rather than shining a flashlight directly into their eyeballs.

On 9/11, or Can't We All Just Get Along?

So, today is a thing. A day on which our sense of superiority and security was shaken. Angry, misguided zealots chose to attack innocent, unarmed civilians in an attempt to knock us down a peg. Lives were lost, and under-appreciated, under-paid public servants followed their calling, risking and sometimes losing their lives to save others.

That event sparked a war that has continued these last twelve years. Many more lives have been lost in the wake of that tragedy. 

But something good did come of it. At least for awhile, it didn't matter if you were from New York or Texas, California or Nebraska; it didn't matter what party you aligned yourself with or what other things we all had going on. For a time, we were all just Americans. We became that which we so often say is the best thing about our country, but we so often fail to demonstrate. We were one. 

*sigh*

At heart, I remain a dreamer. As often as my faith in humanity is trampled and abused by the actions and words of people who honestly should know better, I still have to believe we can be better. So it is my hope that someday, this tragedy will be used as a catalyst for peace rather than an excuse for continued war. I know that as long as politicians-- no, *people* place more importance on power and the bottom line than on doing the Right Thing, that dream will remain out of reach. 

So it falls to us. We, the people, from varying backgrounds and with varying labels we use to define ourselves, who must rise above the oversimplified sentimentality that these powermongers would use to control us. We, who must use the faculties granted us to THINK. 

It's difficult. It's always easier to just go with the flow and not to think too much. Hell, that's how I am able to enjoy movies most of the time without hulking out in a feminist rage. But when it comes to the serious stuff, we can't afford to be so cavalier. We have to do better. We have to stop relying on mainstream media, advertising companies, and Hollywood writers to do our thinking for us. 

I know it's a lot. It means sacrificing that latest episode of Real Housewives or that extra hour or two of browsing through pictures of cats. But if it means finding better ways to deal with your fellow humans, don't you think it's worth it?

And empathy itself is difficult. We have so many instincts screaming at us, saying "that person is Other" and demanding that we shun, ridicule, or despise Other. We can do better than that. Unless you have some sort of brain dysfunction that leaves you incapable of thinking about more than just your basest instincts, we all have the cognitive ability to be better. We have the ability to recognize that the urge to commit violence on someone who dresses differently comes from that stupid, lizard-brain place. Now, when that place is saying "fire bad," you should listen. When it says "need water" after you've been wandering the desert for a day or two, it knows what's up. When you are in a social situation and that part of your brain is telling you someone is a threat because they look different, you need to tell it to shut the hell up and get back to you when your life is actually in danger. Now, if that different person pulls a gun on you, sure. Until then, we all just need to take a freakin' chill pill and live and let live. 

Tl;dr: 9/11 was tragic, but please stop using it as an excuse to be a dick.